“Make your home in me, and I will make my home in you.” – Jesus


When It’s Hard to Connect: Self-Knowledge

Spiritual Direction

Our experience of a “transforming friendship” with Jesus will predictably mirror the nature/quality/attributes of our friendships with others. Our vertical relationship will reflect the horizontal. The circumstances and events of our lives uniquely shape how we relate to others, including trust, fear of abandonment, intimacy, self-protection, co-dependence, anxiety, etc.

We will know Jesus through the lens of our unique life experience.


When Jesus invites us to make our home in him, we respond according to our unique relationship style, which is significantly influenced by our relationship with our parents when we were very young. Some are excited by Jesus’ invitation; others are reluctant and unsure why. Some opt for self-reliance to maintain a preferred distance, while others avoid intimacy. When Jesus invites us to a transforming friendship, our relationship style will impact how we know and experience him.

By knowing ourselves, we often discover that our “normal” really isn’t normal and that Jesus invites us to something more. We will explore the “how-tos” next.

Without knowledge of self, there is no knowledge of God. Our wisdom, insofar as it ought to be deemed true and solid wisdom, consists almost entirely of two parts: the knowledge of God and of ourselves. But as these are connected by many ties, it is not easy to determine which of the two precedes and gives birth to the other.[1]


What is your experience of relating to Jesus? How does it feel?

  1. John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion, I.1.i.